Fall is here and with it brings many changes. The big one in our life is the arrival of our 2nd rainbow baby, Baby 'Love Cookie'. It's been a whirlwind since she arrived Aug 29th including a hospital transfer (non emergency), 5 day stay for baby (she was fine), Postpartum Preeclampsia (SCARY!), Tongue and Lip tie (boy has that been fun), Thrush (uggg!!!) and just getting used to having a 4 year old and a new baby! Phew.
I would like to apologize for neglecting this blog. This pregnancy was rather difficult on me and I had a hard time doing much of anything. Hopefully I am back and I can work on this blog and have it grow to its full potential. But the main reason for making this post is to talk to you about October.
Many of you might not be aware, what with all the pink ribbons floating around, but October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. It is a time to remember our little ones lost, and the hurt and pain of those around us. A little known statistic is that 1 in 4 woman will experience pregnancy or infant loss in their life (and the number is probably higher if we could include those very early losses or losses not reported to a doctor)
This is someone YOU know. Your sister, your co-worker, classmate, aunt, friend...someone you know has or will lose a baby in their life. It's sad. But what is most sad is our society fears death, especially the death of a baby. So these mothers (and father's) many time feel afraid to mention their losses, or if they do mention them, society tries to downplay their grief.
"At least it was early"
"Good thing you weren't attached yet"
"You can try again"
"You have other children"
" It was for the best"
"why are you so sad, you knew it was going to happen"
(This is one that was said to us. No joke.)
Society needs to stop and think about the things they are saying. If your friend lost her mother to cancer would you say "you can get a new mom" or "at least you have a dad still" or "why are you sad, you knew she was going to die".
NO. You would not say any of those things!
Somehow because it was an early loss, or 'just' a baby, it is thought that it doesn't matter, there is no pain. That is utter bogus. As soon as you think you are pregnant, or see that positive test your entire life has changed. You have seen a whole new future and that child is a part of it. And to suddenly have that future ripped from you, many time with no known reason, is devastating! And these mothers and fathers have every right to grieve the loss of their child.
So this October, please, go out and do something thoughtful for these parents. Take a flower out to their child's grave site. Bring them a meal or cookies. Donate a toy suited for their child's age to the woman's shelter. Send them a card just to let them know you're thinking of them. Just do something <3
And keep your eyes posted. I plan on adding a tab above with resources on how to help others through their grief and what to do when you hear a friend has lost a baby <3
